I once explained to a friend why I never moved to NYC or San Francisco, even though I dreamt of both for years. Or why I never backpacked around the world, though my heart forever ached with the regret of not doing it. His response: “You never jumped.” That stuck with me. Never jumped. He made it seem so simple.
After some serious pondering (overanalyzing), I realized he was right. Sure, I had bunny-hopped a few times. I moved to Minneapolis, stayed a short stint in Boulder, volunteered in Africa. The big reasons I hadn’t legs-wide-arms-out jumped made sense: money and career. That is, not having either. But still, so far my jumps have lacked oomph. They were calculated movements focused on the landing, scrutinizing every “what then?” and “what if?”
And I’m a serious what if’er. What if I can’t find a job? What if no one likes me? What if I get diarrhea on a ten-hour train ride? But at a certain point, you realize, shit, a person can spend a lifetime what if’ing their way out of really living. You think, I’ll do it when this happens or when that happens. You always have more time, right? But what if you don’t? And, you know, what if, just maybe, it all works out?
And so, passport packed, evacuation insurance purchased, fingers crossed, I’m off. I’m leaving my job, my supportive partner (thanks so much, Harps), my puppies (cue wailing), my comfort zone and my “What Ifs” to do what I should have done long ago: JUMP.
Right now, I'm sitting at Gate E7 waiting to hop on a plane to Bangkok. From there, I'll spend four or five-ish months backpacking around SE Asia. That is, barring any monkey-biting or sewer-falling incidents (hey, both happened to my roommate in Ghana). And let’s be honest, assuming I don’t have a total meltdown. After all, I was that kid who had trouble sleeping at her best friend’s place--one house away.
This is a trip I’ve dreamt about for years, but didn’t seem possible till I watched other incredible women, like my friends Elizabeth Bandy and Lacey Fox, do it. (Thanks, girls.) I’ll be alone most of the time, apart from two weeks wandering around Vietnam with my Harper, and a possible Bali birthday celebration with my friend Nina in April. I’m hoping other friends will join me as well. Friends, consider this your formal invitation. Anyone? Anyone?
Some have said I’m going on a soul-searching trip. Sure, it’s a little of that. A chance to right regrets? That, too. But mostly, it’s just me trying to learn more about the world, meet new people, experience new things (and new cultures), challenge myself and nosh on Tom Yum Goong while delicate feet tiptoe along my spine. All of which I hope somehow, in some way, help make me a better person. So, here we go. Mom, you might be the only one reading this blog. So consider all these words for you (ok, plus Dad and Dave). I already miss you and don’t worry, because What If Nothing. I got this.